Just---for the sake of...a "little"-humor!?

My “Al Capone” (fictional) life-saving story

 

Wrong-place! Wrong-time! (definitely)

 

Yeah! Jeez!---Okay!!!...So!? I got this (tiny-little) “Lottery”-issue!

 

Well! Mom always said my “procrastination”-proclivity would lead

to dire-consequences some-day! Too-soon. Mom’s always-“Right”!

 

Soooo!---I “almost” missed the “big”-draw deadline…Damn! Cheap-watch!

 

2-minutes till the close-out time to buy tickets---and…”5”-idiots in-line!

 

“Patience! Boy! Patience!---1-minute…2-ahead of me! Oh! Damn-the-luck!

 

Patron-“loser” just ahead of me is finishing-up wasting his money on “chance”.

 

25-seconds!? Yikes!---I’m “up”!...Suddenly, this “woman” cuts me-off.

Barged right-in-front of “patient”-me, even knocking me down. Ouch!

 

Suffering “ir-repairable” (my expensive-lawyer’s word (whatever it means))

personal-injuries (not to mention causing my explosive-litany of embarrassing

expletives), I “coolly” got off the floor and gave “Granny” a dirty-look! Hmm!

 

As I opened my mouth to give her a piece of my “clever”-mind, this pistol-

packing ‘Momma” drew-down on me with a “HUGE” .44-Magnum! Wow!

 

15-seconds  to go!?---Ugh!... “Hey!” I yelled. “I’m from---south…Chicago!”

 

Granny holstered her “cannon”---apologized…and literally ran-away! Ha! Ha!  

 

Astonished---the cowardly-clerk…gave me “Grandma’s” chances…all-losers!

And---adding insult to injury…I still had to pay for the old “bag’s”-tickets.

 

Then, the admiring-clerk said, “Where did you learn that hilarious “Chicago”-line?”

 

“Oh!” I answered with a straight-face. “From my Chicago-uncle. Al Capone!”

 

“’The’-Al Capone!?” The clerk whistled. “You’re Al Capone’s nephew!?”

Finally, entertaining skepticism, he queried, “When did Uncle-Al say that?”

 

Obviously, the store-clerk doubted my veracity---Hmm!?...Wonder-Why?

 

“Well! When Uncle-Al died in prison, he found himself before St, Peter.

“The “bearded” wise-one took one look at the wretch, pushed the ‘Book-of-

Life’ aside and shook his head, saying, ‘Straight-to -Hell! With you! Capone!’

 

“Then, savoring the moment, St. Peter went into a detailed-plethora of the

trials and tribulations the mobster would face challenging his blackened-

soul once Satan got ahold of the evil-demon. Then, Uncle-Al just smiled!”

 

Totally caught-up in the tale, the store-clerk parroted, “Uncle Al…‘smiled’!?”

 

“Yeah!” I replied. “Un-impressed, Uncle Al said, ‘I’m---from…south-Chicago!’”

 

Okay! Go-ahead! Laugh!---I know-you! And…where you live! Um! Hmm!

 

Sure-enough! I do!---And, just a reminder…I’m from the south-side of  Chicago!

 

Oh! I ain’t nothin’ like Uncle Al---but…they say environment tells-the-tale!

 

Yeah! Mom demanded "Lottery-tickets"---every-day...too!

 

Amen!