Saturday, December 15, 2018

Holiday-humor & "Christmas Always" book excepts by Carl Schuler (Amazon books)



Rudolph & Peter

(a Merry Christmas & Happy Easter holiday-“tail”)

 

Being ole Santa Claus merits a great deal of satisfaction for the jolly bearded-benefactor.

An inexhaustible bag-of-toys disbursed to “good” little girls and boys across the world on Christmas-Eve each year; it’s a huge undertaking---but…somebody just has to do it. I reckon so.

But, while ole Santa manages to provide “smiles” and “cheer” to myriad urchins who eagerly celebrate his annual pilgrimage, Mrs. Claus works her fingers to the bone helping the elves while receiving none of the accolades bestowed by a grateful-following upon her “saintly”-kind husband. Not being the “complaining”-type (after all, she is married to Mr. “Wonderful” and would not dare do anything so vile as to tarnish ole Santa’s reputation), never-the-less,  Mrs. Claus harbors “secret” wants and needs. Heaven help the dear lady should Mr. Claus ever deduce his beloved wife’s penchant for---(Oh! Say it isn’t so)…Easter! God forgive the poor-wretch!

When “Ma”-Claus began wearing a fluffy white “nighty” to bed, ole Santa’s  “ears” went up.

Now, nobody ever accused Santa-man of being inattentive, and, he is quite obviously the consummate-detective discovering all those many secret-desires of countless children for Christmas-presents, so, slowly, but, eventually, he realized Mrs. Claus penchant to love Easter.

And---being “Santa Claus”…he fulfilled Mrs. Claus’ “secret” desire…he gave her a “rabbit”!

Overwhelmed with pleasure at ole Santa’s perspicacity and generosity toward her, she gave her kind-husband a big-kiss and promptly named the rabbit: Peter-cottontail.

It was the very best Christmas-gift Santa had ever given her. She adored Peter’s big-ears!

Now, Santa’s sleigh and the “famous” reindeer-8 and Rudolph were kept in the Christmas-town barn on the North Pole farm where the elves worked tirelessly making toys for good-children to be delivered on Christmas-Eve each and every year. In the Spring-time months and through the Summer into Fall, Mr. Peter-cottontail often ventured into the deer-barn where he entertained the reindeer with antics showing off his white cotton-tail and pointed long-ears; ole Peter and Red-nosed Rudolph became fast friends; pretty cool riding on a “flying” reindeer!

When the snow flew, Mrs. Claus brought Peter into the house-comfort to spend the Winter.

Well!?---Rabbits will be rabbits!? I reckon so and…one day ole-Peter chewed through the Christmas tree extension cord! The lights flickered---and…went “out’! Drats!

A Snap! Crackle! & Pop! with a buzz sent Peter into the wall! (Santa considered “Hasenpfeffer”!) Being pragmatic, as well as generous, the great “bearded”-one figured: Why waste a fine winter-feast? Then, plans ruined by a degenerate-inconsiderate rabbit, Peter came to.

“Oh!” Gasped Mrs. Claus when she spied the “damage” her Peter-rabbit has suffered: One of his ears refused to stand at attention any longer; one lonesome “floppy”-ear covered an eye. Ohh!

Ole Peter cottontail manages to adapt quite adequately, the errant ear actually made him even more adorable to Mrs. Claus; the reindeer and Red-nosed Rudolph found his theatrical-performances more-consuming with a hint of “humor” incorporated into the act. They cheered!

Fate rears its ugly head!  Rudolph liked to sleep in the hay stack protruding his red-nose just outside so he could breathe easier. At Easter, bully-boy Billy-Bob thought he had found the “magic”-Easter egg when the “red”-glow in the hay stack caught his eye. He nearly jerked ole Rudolph’s “claim-to-fame” off his head before Peter-cottontail came to the deer’s rescue.

Rudolph recovered! The two became inseparable; Peter even put Rudolph in his road show:

Here comes Peter cotton-tail & Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer!

 

Merry Christmas & “Happy Easter!”
 
And---



Hail! Fellow Christian Soldiers!

(a Christmas plea)

 

 

Hail! My faithful fellow believer celebrants. Proudly: Praise! Honor! Glorify! God!

Time is hereby justly noted that it is imperative for the Christian community to literally throw down the gauntlet of their belief in open challenge to the secular humanist protagonists who wage an intensely focused coordinated attack on our traditional values: Faith! Family! Freedom!

Evil perverts purity through pointed-pernicious deception in its manifest masquerades running the lukewarm gamut of insults from innuendo and half-truths to stabbing outright un-truths; and, the effort is well-planned, well-funded and purposely defined. To wit: Christmas songs have been playing on the air waves since early autumn, however, and, this is most telling, only a very minute percentage are Christian hymns. An accident? A coincidence? Hmm!?

Nativity displays banned from public property; how long until “someone” is offended because a Christian dares honor their beliefs on private property but the exhibit can be viewed from a “public” street? “Outrageous!” you say. “Never happen!” you decree. Oh! Really? An obviously, and, self-admitted, socialistic government has pointedly demonized many Christmas traditions and blatantly outlawed other icons they deem support Christian religion in any manner. Wow!

Christ’s birth and resurrection are the basic tenets of Christianity! Amen!

I will stand to be counted first to defend anyone’s right to believe as their conscience dictates, allowing their personal motivation to interfere with that spiritual doctrine as they may so choose. However, “Merry Christmas” is our Christian celebration and I purposefully invite the secularist “Happy holiday” crowd to seek their own tradition to celebrate, or ignore, if they so dare; if not, they can, quite simply, do without! But, leave our sacred Christian values---alone! Amen!

The delightful characters in our presentation of the book “Christmas Treasures” proudly display the badge of Christian traditions based in love of faith and family exemplified in speech, deed, manner and action toward all, friend and stranger alike. Their faith-based beliefs preclude them from declaring hostile battle on the ill-informed secular humanists who openly proclaim that Christians are their sworn enemy; but, the battle lines are clearly drawn and the warfare we wage on evil in the spiritual dimension in all of its clandestine disguises through the dark one’s pathetic masquerade is “Just” and we refuse to be either intimidated or dissuaded. Amen!

The ultimate resolution? Scripture, in Revelation, decrees that the “good” guys win!

 

Merry Christmas!

 

Join us! My fellow Christian soldiers!

Enjoy! Amen!

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