Sunday humor!

 Humor on a Sunday!? Why not!?

 

That “Fred”! Old guy! Ever hear of Methuselah?

Gets all the female attention over to the home!

No-looks! –money! –personality! –charm! Hmm!?

He’s notin’ like me! So? Just how does he do it?

 

I asked Fred! Dumb idea! But, I asked. (Stupid!)

 

“Well,” he croaked in his Bill Clinton husky voice,

(that accent has to be practiced(?)), “I just tell ’em

what they want to hear…'Good looks! Nice teeth!

Personality! Good singing voice! Nice body!'”

 

He smiled, like I should believe that garbage! I

been using those lines for years! No luck!?

Maybe it’s all in the delivery!? Nah!

 

Come on! Fred! I’m no easy mark. Truth!?

 

“Okay! I learned from courting and catching my

first wife, Thelma! Oh! God! But, I was young

and dumb, I reckon. Told her I owned the farm

where I really only rented a room in the barn loft.

She left after 3 days; didn’t like the aroma---

didn’t care for the 4-legged critters, either. Amen

 

“Told the next one I owned that farm and the one

next door. Bam! Married! 2 days! Gone! Hmm!?

 

“By number 7 I owned all of Northern Illinois! Yes! Sir!

 

“I tried to give Chicago to China but they declined, ‘Too corrupt!’

 

“I had to stop owning land at the ‘Peoples’ Republic of Wisconsin’

border; you see, my brother owns that hunk-of-lie! Out of

Professional-courtesy I couldn’t go south, either…?

 

“Another brother?” I inquired. “Nah! My daddy owns Kentucky!”

 

“Well!” I allowed. “There’s Arkansas?” (I thought I had him?)

 

“Uh! Un! Little Abner and his cousin, Daisy May, claim it.

“That Daisy! She’s H – O – T! I ought to talk to ‘cousin’ Daisy!”

 

That Fred! Biggest liar in 4 states! Well! Tied for “Biggest”! Anyway!

Ole Fred! He sure knows how to trick the geriatric "Hotties"!?

Careful! Grannies!