Humor
on a Sunday!? Why not!?
That
“Fred”! Old guy! Ever hear of Methuselah?
Gets
all the female attention over to the
home!
No-looks! –money! –personality!
–charm! Hmm!?
He’s
notin’ like me! So? Just how does he
do it?
I
asked Fred! Dumb idea! But, I asked.
(Stupid!)
“Well,”
he croaked in his Bill Clinton husky voice,
(that
accent has to be practiced(?)), “I
just tell ’em
what
they want to hear…'Good looks! Nice teeth!
Personality!
Good singing voice! Nice body!'”
He
smiled, like I should believe that garbage! I
been
using those lines for years! No
luck!?
Maybe
it’s all in the delivery!? Nah!
Come
on! Fred! I’m no easy mark. Truth!?
“Okay!
I learned from courting and catching my
first
wife, Thelma! Oh! God! But, I was
young
and
dumb, I reckon. Told her I owned the farm
where
I really only rented a room in the barn loft.
She
left after 3 days; didn’t like the aroma---
didn’t
care for the 4-legged critters, either. Amen
“Told
the next one I owned that farm and the one
next
door. Bam! Married! 2 days! Gone! Hmm!?
“By
number 7 I owned all of Northern Illinois!
Yes! Sir!
“I
tried to give Chicago to China but they declined, ‘Too corrupt!’
“I
had to stop owning land at the ‘Peoples’
Republic of Wisconsin’
border;
you see, my brother owns that hunk-of-lie! Out of
Professional-courtesy I couldn’t go south,
either…?
“Another
brother?” I inquired. “Nah! My daddy owns Kentucky!”
“Well!”
I allowed. “There’s Arkansas?” (I thought I had him?)
“Uh!
Un! Little Abner and his cousin, Daisy May, claim it.
“That
Daisy! She’s H – O – T! I ought to
talk to ‘cousin’ Daisy!”
That
Fred! Biggest liar in 4 states! Well!
Tied for “Biggest”! Anyway!
Ole Fred! He sure knows how to trick the geriatric "Hotties"!?
Careful! Grannies!